Sunday, August 22, 2010

The Ten Least Gracious Notes Penned Inside Graduation Thank-You Cards

File this one under "For No Good Reason Whatsoever."

The Ten Least Gracious Notes Penned Inside Graduation Thank-You Cards

1) Thanks, I guess, for the $50. I expected more, frankly. Weren't you in the dotcom industry a while back?

2) I'm sorry I'm not in communication more frequently; I can't expect money from you every day.

3) Big Johnny at the Corner will be happy to exchange your $30 for some Sweet Oblivion later tonight.

4) Christ, you barely bothered. Why should I?

5) In the future, please try to refrain from sending a card spouting your religious dogma. That's the last thing I want to be thinking about right now, thank you very much.

6) I'll sleep better knowing that, after your contribution, I need only another $199,925 to make my med school dream come true.

7) Next time, could you send 20 singles? It's easier than asking the stripper for change.

8) Don't put yourself out too much, Unc. I'd hate for you to lose your club membership because you were too generous with your 10-spots.

9) Only four more contributions like yours and I'm a hundredaire!

10) After seeing the size of your gift, I now fully respect just how deep our family rift runs.

Yours in laying down the law,


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Smoke said...

That's good stuff. I may have to borrow a couple of those.

Art Edwards said...

Thanks, Smoke.

Bookmark it for next June!